Heal Thyself

Under normal circumstances I would keep quiet about my current situation, but Ahmed has become a little too clever about managing me.  He outed me. 

So rather than have people worrying, I’m letting everyone in on the current status of my health.

It’s not great.  In May I was diagnosed with clinical exhaustion, purely a result of pushing too much and failing to rest enough.  I was also diagnosed with an infection in my lymph nodes that was the result of… well, probably the same thing.  I had two procedures to surgically tinker with my nodes (that sounded so dirty!) and went on some aggressive drugs.  My lungs were, and are—at least for now—uncompromised.

But the drugs are very powerful, and come with side effects that are harsh.  Yesterday I had a double-appointment day for mom, and came home more tired than usual. She called in Chinese food for her and dad.  On my way back with their dinner I became very ill.  The smell of the food had me pulling over to the side of the road to be sick, and when I got home I discovered the minor hair loss I’d been seeing had become more serious. 

So ok, Tuesday was not a good day.  Loss of appetite and sensitivity to food smells are nothing new to me, nor is hair loss.  Both, however, do indicate the drugs are taking a toll.  When you’re chronically ill you sometimes fall into a pattern of survival that tricks you into thinking you’re “fine.”  I’m sick for the rest of my life, so I have formed a bad habit of dismissing symptoms as “just how it is.” 

So… I need to build myself back up to fighting strength.  My day to day responsibilities don’t go away simply because I have to rest, so something has to give.  I’ll be napping when I can, relying more on Ahmed, and in order to have more of that nappy time, spending less time reading facebook and twitter.  Emails may take a day or two to get a response.

All of this is for GOOD, not for bad.  I am not languishing in frail decrepitude.  I’m trying to reboot with rest.  So if you don’t see me for a while, it’s all good… I’ll be back stronger very soon.

Sing it with me: I get knocked down… but I get up again… you’re never gonna’ keep me down!