Thursday, August 05, 2010

Hope is a Choice

About two weeks ago I made a very deliberate choice to eliminate negative forces in the fringes of my world. Sounds elaborate, but it wasn't. When you live with allegedly-terminal illness (heh), you are often in labs and offices with others who are also ill. I'll tell you a secret-- there may be no cure for pulmonary fibrosis, but pulmonary fibrosis is a cure for hypochondria.

Watch a few good people die, even after they did everything they could to live, and you lose all patience and tolerance for the terminally self indulgent.

It was one of those mornings that really marked a corner-stone moment for me. I listened to a nasty woman who seemed to enjoy nothing on earth so much as a conversation about HER. All of her conversations were about her. Sitting next to her was her husband, a shy and quiet man who was in chemo treatment, and was not doing well. I knew most of the other people in the room, as well. I remembered the losses we shared last month, of three PF patients who couldn't survive the bad weather this year. I thought about a cheerful 38 year old who left behind his 3 year old daughter and a wife who had not looked anything but exhausted in months.

I just sat, listening to this shrew complain about nothing that any of us wouldn't gladly take on in exchange for ONE DAY of peace and good health, and realized I was listening to a walking embodiment of TOXICITY.

People really can leave stains and misery behind them, clinging to everything they touch. It can taint entire communities, families, groups of friends.

So I took out the garbage last week. Nothing but good vibes and good people for me. I can remain positive most days, but I'm no longer willing to carry the extra weight of that crap. It seems to be everywhere... but a little elbow grease-- or maybe just an elbow??-- works miracles, dunnit?

2 comments ]:[ Add your comment:

Anonymous said...

i just happened to stumble upon this gem, but it couldn't have come at a more needed time.

isn't it funny how life works like that, sometimes?



keep doing what you are doing
if nothing else, know you have lifted one spirit today.


- kate.

Chrissy said...

That was very nice of you, kate!

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