Lightbulb Changing Fun with the Zodiac

I
have no idea where this came from, but a friend sent it to me and it cracked me up. What's your sign? And how do YOU change a lightbulb?

How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.
OR
ONE dammit! ONE! And they don't need any help from YOU!

How many Taureans?
What, me move?
OR
One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

How many Geminis?
Two, but the job never gets done - they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
OR
One, but he or she has seven personalities and it may not be the "worker" today!

How many Cancerians?
Only one, but he has to bring his mother.
OR
Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process.

How many Leos?
A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.
OR
Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.

How many Virgos?
One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.
OR
Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth.

How many Libras?
Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.
OR
Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they'd rather sit in the dark and plot murder.
OR
That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

How many Sagittarians?
One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.
OR
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

How many Capricorns?
The light's fine as it is.
OR
I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

How many Aquarians?
Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?
OR
Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...

How many Pisceans?
Light bulb? What light bulb?

and...

How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
"Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"
OR
None... it changes itself on the Equinox.