Saturday, January 20, 2007

Well I DO Declare! An Attack of The Vapors



Women in technicolor Southern Civil War movies always look so elegant doing it. Scarlet could collapse on a dime and bring about a riot as handsome men scrambled to be the first to proffer smelling salts. But while Melanie and Scarlett may have pulled off fainting like pros, they came from an age of fainting couches, corsets, and the celebrated chicanery of beautiful, eyelash-batting belles. I'd always wanted to try it.

I'm pretty much over it, now. Tonight I fell flat on my backside at the bathroom door. One moment I was feeling a touch woozy (I'm battling an infection); the next I was lying on my back looking up at something vaguely familiar, furry, and soft. It was spraying my face with a gentle mist. It wasn't anyone dashing, in-- say-- a dove gray waistcoat with a bottle of smelling salts. It was Max, snorting Pug snot all over me in a moment of panic and concerned affection. (It could also have been indignation. My left hand was in his water dish.)

Well, you play the cards you're dealt, I suppose.

Ahmed wasn't with me and my parents were attending an appreciation dinner to which I had also been invited. Not in the mood to be appreciated, with blood and unidentifiable icky stuff coming from several parts of me I'd really rather have sealed off permanently at this point, I stayed home. Ahmed was, much later, quite dashing and sympathetic. He was fresh out of smelling salts and mumbled something about "silly cows" when I mentioned the dove gray waistcoat. I believe that was my delirium talking; he surely wasn't yammering on about bovine IQs while I recovered from my danger-- ummm serio-- errr-- bloody stupid encounter with gravity loss. Still, I think some sort of sterling silver container with smelling salts is the least he could do and I'll be looking into procuring something nice, vintage, perhaps, on ebay.

Anyway, as for the fainting thing-- don't believe the hype. Scarlet and Melanie made it look good on the big screen, but President Bush had it right. You wake up feeling stupid with a dog staring down at you to confirm the sensation.

12 comments ]:[ Add your comment:

Diana Castilleja said...

Hugs, Chrissy. I don't believe I've ever fainted-I have been knocked out. And it's no fun waking up from either situation

Laura Rose said...

Big hugs! It's never fun, and as for Max being the first thing you saw...well, that's perhaps better than two students looking down on ya like you've lost your marbles or something. Of course, they did prevent me from opening up my skull on the corner of a table, so I can't be too harsh on 'em.

Jenn on the Island said...

I've fainted a couple times and ended up with the oddest bruises...

Antonia Pearce said...

Chrissy! You could have cracked your head on something. I am so relieved you didn't end up with a more serious injury.

I have to point out that Scarlet and Melanie's fainting was movie fainting (Scarlet's was even fake in movie reality), so nobody should take their cues from that.

Max sounds like a wonderful protector. I think he was attempting to annoint you with his magical doggie elixir in order to heal you. What a selfless doggie! (I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that your hand was in HIS water bowl.)

I hope you feel better soon. We all want you back in fighting form. In the meantime, maybe wait till somebody else is home with you to get adventurous. 'K?

Rhonda said...

Been there - a few years ago, I'd gotten a tattoo. I was cleaning it off in the bathroom when I started to feel light-headed.

Next thing I knew, I woke up, having NO idea where I was...I finally figured out my head was between the toilet and the wall. My cheek was throbbing because I'd hit my face on the toilet on the way down. My back hurt because I'd ripped the toilet paper holder off when I'd dropped.

YOWZA - NOT FUN. ((hugs)) Fainting sucks. I'm with you on that!!

R.G. ALEXANDER said...

I am so glad Max was there for you!Yeah, no stair climbing for the moment when you dont have another human in the house-just to be on the safe side. I have fainted before-flat on my face {no hands} into a gravel road. Woke up with a pretty shiner and the amazement that nothing was broken. {I'd rather have pug snot}lol

Morag McKendrick Pippin said...

Hope you are feeling better!
Sounds like you have a couple of great protectors in Ahmed and
Max:-)

L.K. Campbell said...

I hope you're feeling better now. At least you found how loyal Max is. A dog is a woman's best friend.

Kristen Painter said...

Glad it's all sorted out now!

Amanda Brice said...

I've never fainted. Passed out, yet, but not fainted. Sorry it happened to you, but your description, well, at least the comparison with Scarlett, had me laughing.

Hope you're better!

Chrissy said...

Thanks everyone!

I actually got to go to STARBUCKS today!!!

Life is good. :)

Sir Christopher said...

But unlike President Bush you didn't faint because you choked on a pretzel only to come back to the white house residence a few hours later and see them talking aobut you on fox news :) :)

Glad you're ok!!!!

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