Thursday, March 09, 2006

When Your Heart Isn't In It

aybe it's PF or a recent transfusion... maybe it's 12 years of hard work that keeps getting harder... maybe it's the fact that people I love won't make it this year and people I hate have decided to take over. But my heart isn't in it.

For 12 years my mother and I have worked together with an amazing group of people in our community to hold a fund raiser and Irish dinner/festival on Saint Patrick's Day. Most years it ends up being a great deal of fun, even if it's a huge pain in the rump prior to the actual dinner.

This year my favorite cousin isn't coming. Two of my favorite helpers can't pitch in. Though their help will be sorely missed, their stories and jokes will be missed far more. And my least favorite family member will be present... so I will be working my fingers to the bone only to leave early and miss the festivities to avoid a family conflict.

Most years that wouldn't bother me much. I have left early in the past and still took great satisfaction from knowing we did a lot of good for our community. This year I am struggling with feeling guilty that I don't care as much and a bit put out that I cared for 12 years and now I'm tired.

It probably IS the recent transfusion and maybe the residue of a very long year. But I guess I may have needed to put it to page in order to see that.

rant over :)

1 comments ]:[ Add your comment:

Shari said...

Rant away! Sorry to hear you won't be there to enjoy the festival, it sounds lovely! I know everyone appreciates all you do to make it the success it will be. One thing I've learned in all my volunteer work is that eventually things change, whether you want them to or not.

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