It's wrong to lie to children. I do it anyway. Not because I am mean and nasty (though I am), nor even because it's fun (though it is). I do it because it is a fine family tradition and I am all about carrying on traditions. This Saint Patrick's Day, for instance, one of my favorites came to mind.
Hostess makes this wonder called a Snoball.
The regular Hostess featured color is either white or bright, shocking pink. But several times a year they issue holiday colors. For Halloween they do orange. For Easter a deep orchid color.
And for Saint Patrick's Day, the grand-daddy of all awesomeness: THE GREEN SNOBALL.
I don't like sharing my green snoballs. It's not that I'm selfish (though I am) or that I begrudge my nephews, godchildren, and beloved friends' bra-- err-- basta--- err-- cherubs some of my snack (though I do). It's that... these are special.
These are chocolatey goodness, marshmallow yummihood, and creamy centered nirvana covered in bright, kelly green coconut.
I mean, these are special.
So when my nephew's adorable face appeared at the edge of the dining room table, zeroing in on my green fluffy balls, I lied.
Having removed them from their packaging, and placing them into generic ziplocs, I made no attempt to hide them. The conversation went thusly:
Cherub 1: Ca-I hava snoball?
Me: Those aren't snoballs, honey.
Cherub 1: Them's snoballs. Green ones.
Me: I know they look like them, but they aren't, honey.
Cherub 1: Whadaredey?
Me: Leprechaun poop.
Cherub 1(joined, now, by Cherub 2): Lepru-kawnpoop?
Me: Yep.
Cherubs 1 and 2: Noooooooooooo-oooooooooooooooh they aren't!
Me: They are.
Cherub 2: Whydyoo hab dem?
Me: Remember how Papa explained that some mushrooms are yummy to eat but others are poisonous and make you sick?
Cherubs 1 and 2: Uh huh.
Me: Leprechauns leave their poop along hedges. They grow to poisonous mushrooms, to help protect the little places in the stone walls where they hide their gold. If you eat these you'll get very sick.
Cherub 1: Very sick?
Cherub 2: Sick?
Me: Yes. Very sick.
Cherub 2 (who will, someday, be a lawyer): Why don' you frow dem away, den?
Me (sighing): Because they get annoyed and steal your shoes if you do that.
Cherub 1: Thaz why you nebber haz your shoes an' can't findem?
Me: I confess, yes. I once threw away some leprechaun poop and they plague me, still.
Cherub 2 (disgusted): Can we jus have oreos, den?
Me: Yes.
Cherub 1: But not the dubble-stuff kin'.
Me: Correct.
Cherub 2: Cuz dose make your feet stink if yer liddle.
Me: Exactly.
Cherub 1: Thaz why daddy's feet stink.
Me (handing out mini-oreos, which I dislike, and pushing the double stuffs, which I do like, back behind the toaster): Run along, cherubs.
*Sigh* Family traditions. Makes me tear up, really. My oldest brother was in his early 20s when he finally figured out that those thistley things from the hedges were dried thistle heads... not porcupine eggs.
Good times... good times.
