Where's My Frickin' Rainbow?

Yeah... it's a pity party. And I know they get old, so feel free to ignore me. Lately I haven't been depressed, really. But I can't seem to write. And I can't seem to answer that block with my usual determination and distraction technique. Nothing wants to grow here.



Ahmed says this is understandable, since I am in a lot of pain and can't sleep. I've recently been struck with polymyositis from PF treatments, followed by two broken toes and a third with hairline fractures. My muscles are breaking down and my bones are brittle. It's part of fighting to survive. I understand and embrace this... but it wears me down. So the leg thing has kept me from sleeping. I'm on maybe 2 hours a night.

I hate people who complain. I hate feeling so locked in doldrums on a day like this one, bright and crisp and beautiful after miserable rains. I want to look forward with an open and grateful heart... but I really, really need a rainbow. It's all well and good to make hope your choice. I'd just love a little sign... something small... some tiny whisper that it will be ok.

/pity party