Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Cut or Save?

dorkie

As many of you know, I am in fierce edits for CRY UNCLE, and one of the things I am trying to do is edit with minimal damage.

When I first wrote this scene it was meant as a way to show-not-tell things about the character, who is sort of a New England combo of Paris Hilton and Casey Anthony with a lower IQ.  It’s the readers’ first encounter with Emily, the character in question, who has just lost her father: the world’s biggest dirtbag.

This is the scene… my beta reader has threatened to kill me if I cut it.  She is also scouring shelters for a Dorkie, so take that into consideration:

From CRY UNCLE, by Chrissy Olinger

    I glanced up and noticed my cousin, Emily, standing in the kitchen with a tiny creature in her arms. It was covered in wild tufts of brown and black hair that appeared to be infested with both static cling and hair gel. It was wearing a pink sweater. Emily maneuvered around the table and headed in our direction.
    Shit.
    It's possible the only person alive I hated more than Denny was his daughter.
    Justin greeted her first. "Hey, Emily, how are you?"
    She didn't appear to have been crying. She shrugged and dug her fingers into the fuzz escaping from its pink confinement.
    "What is that?" Jackie never had a filter installed.
    "She is my dog, Princess." Emily sniffed and adjusted Princess. "I got one of those kits you can send away to get a genealogy for her. The report said she was half Dachshund and half Yorkie."
    Jackie gaped. "You have a Dorkie?"
    Emily glared back at him, tightening her hold on the tiny dog. It wheezed and made a rough hacking sound. One of the eyes flickered in spasm.
    "She's a Yorksund."
    "I thought that was a kind of Scandinavian furniture." Justin reached a hand toward Princess. Princess wheezed again and curled her lip. Justin growled at the Dorkie.

1 comments ]:[ Add your comment:

Kathy J said...

plleeeeease keep it!

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