Sunday, August 20, 2006

Color Me Stupid

I've never been terribly vain, though I am often self conscious enough to worry about first impressions JUST enough to put an effort in. Love my Bare Minerals makeup because it's simple and actually works. Love having natural curls installed in my hair so even I can't mess it up. And I've always said I sort of looked forward to gradually going silver.

Just not all at once, dammit.

So the other day I was thinking about hair and making the decision to give mine a short breather, having installed several sets of natural curls in a row. (That's clever girl for permed it too much.) I visited the salon and had my locks, which generally hit my shoulders, shorn closer to my noggin. Examining my ebony tresses (shut up, it's my blog), I noticed a rather... err disturbing development.

Now look... there's NOTHING wrong with going naturally silver, seeing those glinting strands woven in with the dark. But holy hell! I had buckets of thick, straight, very dingy (what the ^#$*@& happened to SILVER???) beigey-cream strands all over the sides of my head, sticking out like sore... err... hairs against my dark hair. Well blow that for a lark! The stuff was on top, too!

Back up, Father Time, this overnight bull was never part of the deal.
...I'm chemically enhancing my own diminished
cortical circumference with
the slight added bonus
of tonal deepening.

Clairol Herbal Essence here I come. Besides, I rationalized, my hair is terribly fine and thin and this will thicken the strands. So I'm not ACTUALLY covering ding-- err-- dishwate-- err-- silvery grey. I'm chemically enhancing my own diminished cortical circumference with the slight added bonus of tonal deepening. Plus, there's herbs and crap in here, so it's practically a rainwater rinse.

I colored, timed, lathered, rinsed, repeated, and thought... by gawd, that number 28B looks EXACTLY like my original, un-enhanced, cortically circumferentially challenged hair! Not bad.

Then, the following morning, I awakened to discover that something was definitely wrong with my metabolic regeneration rate or something like that because, dammit, MY ENTIRE HEAD WAS COVERED IN THE SHORT, THICK, WIRY, DINGY-BEIGE HAIRS AGAIN!!!!

In my understandable hysteria, I began running my hands frantically through my hair, (which felt great, btw, that herbal crap is fantastic!), when a brand new wave of panic hit me. Not only was the nasty, thick, dingy hair all over my head, it was FALLING OUT like a Christmas tree's needles in January. I was SHEDDING... like some kind of... some sort of... umm...

Err. Hehe. Hey, that hair is exactly the same color as Max. Haha. Isn't that funny, hahahaha. And Max was flopped over my head on my pillow on the couch the past few nights... ahahaha. Ahehehe. A-he-he-herm.

Oh, shut up... like you've never done it.

5 comments ]:[ Add your comment:

Lynn Daniels said...

I feel your pain, sister. And I'm not minimizing what you went through, but your post had me ROLLING! OMG, the way you've told the story is hilarious!

Honestly, though...I've always shed just as badly as our dog. And the only way to tell the difference between my hair and his is mine's longer.

Laine Morgan said...

I shed terribly due to my crazy thryoid. And I'm with you on the gray--I've been noticing these white wiry hairs sticking STRAIGHT UP on the top of my head. I look like some freak cartoon character!

Amanda Brice said...

My mom didn't start going grey until about 60, so I figure I have at LEAST another 20 years, if not 30, to go.

But that doesn't mean I still don't freak out.

JENNA said...

Finally, a good reason to have a black lab. I'm always saying when we get him a firend we're getting a yellow lab so the shedding hair blends better with the carpet (I'm housecleaning-chalenged)...but then THIS could happen to me. Hmmm. To vacuum, or think my hair is falling out...

Ciar Cullen said...

Very funny. You just reminded me that it's time to get out my box of 9A very light golden blonde out. Someone asked me what my natural hair color is the other day, and I had to say I really have no idea. I need my glasses to see my roots, and when they start showing, I don't look. I think it's kinda like a pale mouse that's been dead a while. My mom went white, suddenly at 35. That's the year I was born. Sigh. Fortunately I have an orange cat.

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