Monday, April 24, 2006

I'm Not A Heroine Addict...

Nothing like a first impression. Unfortunately, I am scary as hell right now. My hair is in bad need of a perm; it's dull and lank. My complexion is so white it borders on translucent. My arms are covered with bruises, and the veins are beginning to blacken and pop.

No, I'm note shooting up, but thanks for the vote of confidence.

New treatments, and frequent blood tests, for Pulmonary Fibrosis are proving... well, we'll use the word "challenging," shall we? Chronic anemia, low blood pressure, weight loss, hair loss, and a disturbing inability to breath are starting to piss me off. I've also noticed that my mind gets fuzzy more often than it once did. Lack of oxygen? Age? Who knows.

The disturbing thing is, I had not thought much about it til I got a very disapproving glare at the pharmacy the other night. I tend to hit the all-night CVS in the wee hours, since I dislike lines and love being a night-owl. Discovering I needed a few things, I stuck a baseball cap on my head, pulled on a hooded sweatshirt, and trotted down for some late shopping.

I've always been one of those people who is friendly and chatty with strangers. Sometimes I can be a bit wry. I like to think of myself as being sharp-witted. Funny thing is, when you look like death warmed over people don't think you're funny. They think you're a crack-head. And there's no rude awakening quite so chilly as noticing the cashier staring in horror at the black and blue tracks on your wrists.

Part of me wants to be more careful about wearing make-up and keeping my hair "just so," but when my arms get sore it's a bit of a bitch to curl my hair and buff on the bare minerals. And being "casually cool" is sort of a deeply ingrained part of my personal identity. I was always the gal who wore jeans and a Red Sox cap. I'm a fan.

One of the big bonuses about being a writer was always the dress code: casual. I like being able to wear a pair of clean jeans, a t-shirt, and my keds. It makes getting dressed up in a nice outfit even more pleasant, since it's more of a treat than a daily torment. I don't intend to stop being the laid back woman I am.

But if you know any heroine addicts with great vein-covering make-up tips... give them my email, will you?

1 comments ]:[ Add your comment:

Karen said...

Ack. Sorry you're going through so many painful tests :(

Re : the cashier - it's a drugstore. They should be used to less than 100% healthy people coming in there. But next time, if you think you're getting the judgemental hairy eyeball, give a big nasty cough and then whisper "Sorry... *hack* *hack* They don't think I'm contagious..."

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