Embracing My Addictions

Nobody's perfect. Since I know this to be true, I have reached a crossroads in my dotage at which the flaws that make me happy have become gifts.

I don't cheat on Ahmed. I don't get drunk. I don't take illegal drugs. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't steal. I don't attend cock fights. I don't even eat donuts very often anymore.

My point? The few vices I do have are reasonably innocuous and I've grown to cherish them. They are:

Books: There is a great deal of talk that book prices are going up, though I have yet to see it. When it happens I will be mildly annoyed but the pace at which I purchase books (2 to 4 paperbacks a week on average) will not be daunted. The term "voracious reader" is a wuss-out to somebody like me. I take my books SERIOUSLY.

Coffee/Espresso: I have a refillable Starbucks card. It was purchased for me at Christmastime and had $50.00 on it. I have refilled it four times, at $20 a pop. I'll keep refilling it. You're not taking my lattes. Try it. You'll get my lattes when you pry the cup out of my cold, dead hand and my ghost will laugh at you when the residual caffeine sends an electrical shock through your nasty, latte-hating body. Then I'll meet you at the gates of hell, holding a latte. And it won't be decaf, Sparky. I play with live ammo.

Max: I spoil my dog. I spoil Ahmed's dog, as well, but I really, really spoil Max. He loves me more than anyone else alive and once tried to attack a mugger for me, although he ended up with a bruised heart and lungs because he's brave, but he's just a little guy. I buy him ridiculously expensive dog treats, pay huge amounts of money to have him groomed with the "good" shampoo, and let him sleep with me, even when it pisses Daddy off. Tough. *Glancing over at Maxwell* WhosAPuggyBoyDen??? Whois? YOUIS WhoLuvsHisMummy?

That's it. Seriously. Three vices... three flaws. I like them. They're like the bumpy, stretched out bits on my favorite sneakers. They may not be nice to look at but they feel great. And they are staying. I feel as though a hard life has earned me these bumps.