Gonzo and Chickens Bohemian Rhapsody

Enjoy...

Harlequin Jumps the Shark

Well I have always disliked Harlequin for its cheese factor, but had some favorite authors publishing under their off-shoot brands. Today I am feeling smugly amused that they jumped the shark with a ginourmous splash.

Harlequin, which showed some business sense with the launch of their new epublishing line, completely erased all positive vibes with the announcement that it is now a Vanity press eager to take the hard earned cash of dupes everywhere so they, too, can be a "Harlequin author." The new line, Harlequin Horizons, is designed to lure fools who will then get suckered into paying absolutely obscene "editing" package fees. It will feed on the dreamers, but give nothing back other than a name that has grown increasingly silly ever year.

#epicfail For. Serious.

Baby, Come Back

He's gone and won't be back til the first week of December. And honestly, I thought I was cool. Ahmed is often away on business-- one week a month, in fact. And we have always been two people who thrived on time apart. He's in Cambridge while I am in Green Harbor for a lot of our week. No biggie, right?

OMG wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I'm LOSING it. This month my guy is spending time in England with his family, celebrating his father's 90th birthday, and also the arrival of a brand new nephew, Alexander. He doesn't get nearly enough time with them, and I am so happy they are getting these two weeks.

After that he goes to Texas to meet with some fellow physicians who are doing research on PF... then off to Nova Scotia for the last week of the month, as usual. But that means, combined with the last week of October (when he had strep throat), I will be without him a total of 5+ weeks. I am sitting on nearly 3 now.

Where on earth did I get the idea I could do this without wigging?

Yeah, as I enter week three I am finding that I have to force myself to be positive. Once a day we talk on the phone, usually for about an hour. Even Max misses his daddy. While we chat long distance the little guy sits on my lap and tilts his head, making little sad noises, whenever he hears that much-beloved voice buzzing away against my ear.

I know, intellectually, that I count on Ahmed a lot and that he is a huge part of my daily existence. But it's times like this I really have to face how much I need him, love him, and miss even something as simple as hearing his voice in the next room or knowing I can be in his arms in an instant if I want to be. I miss him cursing under his breath. I miss trying to get up to pee at 3 AM only to find myself trapped in a sleepy strangle-hold.

I'll survive, of course. But I will also be showing some serious appreciation when our baby comes back. It can't be too soon!

Fudgie Oatmal Marble Bars

A few days ago I made this recipe and somebody on facebook asked for it... but I couldn't find the message to send it. So here it is. I had something similar at a cafe, went mental for them, and tinkered with a few recipes that sounded close til I landed on this one. Enjoy!

Fudgie Oatmeal Marble Brownies

1 cup butter
2 cups packed brown sugar
2 eggs
4 teaspoons vanilla (2 for each mixture)
2-1/2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
3 cups quick-cooking rolled oats
1 14-ounce can sweetened condensed milk
1 12-ounce package chocolate chips
1 cup chopped walnuts or peacans

Reserve 2 tablespoons of the butter.

Blend butter and brown sugar until creamy. Beat in eggs and 2 teaspoons vanilla.

In another large bowl combine flour and baking soda; stir in oats. Gradually mix the dry and moist mixtures. Set aside.

In a medium saucepan combine the reserved butter, the sweetened condensed milk, and chocolate chocolate chips. Cook over low heat until chocolate melts, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat. Stir in nuts and the 2 teaspoons vanilla.

Press two-thirds (about 3-1/3 cups) of the oat mixture into the bottom of an ungreased 15x10x1-inch baking pan. Spread chocolate mixture over the oat mixture. Using your fingers, dot remaining oat mixture over the chocolate.

Bake @ 350 degrees for about 25 minutes, or until top is lightly browned (chocolate mixture will still look moist).

Cut bars after cooling and pig out. :)

Suck it, Richard

Yeah, so I put Ahmed on a red eye for London yesterday morning. Mid-day I got an odd email asking "would you send your recipes for scones to the following email addresses?" Didn't think a great deal of it. I had made scones for him to snack on. Sent the recipes.

About four hours later I got a text message. "What was the name of that adorable little place in Freeport at the bottom of the hill" and so forth. (Crickets... ironic, since they were beginning to chirp quite loudly.)

Today I called his cell. He was out to lunch with his dad and his new friends. The 12 sorority sisters from the class of 1992, all of whom, incidentally, sat around him on the plane. And then treated him to lunch because he was "so charming and funny."

Oh yeah, I've got the Chirpy Cricket Freaking Philharmonic playing over here.

Now... we all experience jealousy. It's fine. I trust my guy. But let's face it... when he's going to be away for a month it gets tetchier. I mean, if the redhead with the big gazangas in the lab rubs herself against him and flirts, I can just respond by ignoring it til we get home, and saying "get your pants off and allow me to remind you why you never remember her name... just her rubby gazangas."

I can't reach from here. *glare*

So yeah... way to prime the Bacchanalian orgy on the flight, Virgin Atlantic. You couldn't find a single fat accountant with halitosis on the whole freaking plane to break up the boobage? So yeah... you can suck it, Richard Branson. I don't like you anymore.

It's NOT Swine Flu

It's NOT the Swine Flu. Relax.

I understand perfectly why people are paranoid about the Swine Flu. H1N1, as we are now instructed to call it, is scary. Believe me, for a person like myself without a working immune system, it's scary as hell. I get it. Honestly.

What has me scratching my head (it's not lice or scabies or anything else like that... just a figure of speech) is the refusal of strangers to take my word for my non-contagious status. I cough. I don't cough constantly, the way a person with something like emphysema might. I cough a lot in the morning, when I am exposed to quick and extreme temperature changes, or sometimes all of a sudden for no reason I can figure. I've even heard doctors call the PF cough a "nervous" cough. Not because it has anything to do with nervousness... it has similar properties. If I'm coughing like mad I'm probably sick.

But I DO get more phantom tickles than the average person, and I DO sometimes cough like crazy just because I am a PF patient. Most of the time it's a quick, crackly, sharp cough.

When it comes, I cover my mouth. I'm not contagious, but I'm polite. So when a stranger gives me a filthy look in response I'm confused. I don't cough ON anyone. I cough into my elbow. If I'm hacking and horking out of control I'm en route to my oxygen and a call to Ahmed.

A while ago, when H1N1 hysteria took root, I started quietly saying "I'm not contagious" to anyone who looked scared or pissed off at my coughs. I thought it might make them feel better.

Um. Nope. What it did was open the door. Silent glares seem to need some kind of enhancement in order to activate the actual conversation mechanism. Once I've opened my mouth the divide is breached and the launch sequence is ON. I've had everything from "how the hell would YOU know?" to "if you're coughing you're contagious." I don't often know how to respond.

If I clarify we need to sit down for a few. Most people have never heard of PF. I DO have a standard rap:

I have a lung condition. It causes my lungs to rattle and I sometimes cough. It isn't contagious.

That should do it. But it never does. I either get questions that are long and complex to answer or the absurd disbelief reaction. As if I have some mission to be contagious with the rare South Bumblebaria Hooping Disease and have made spreading the deadly coughing death as far and wide as possible.

Yes, please come here, person I have never freaking seen before. Allow me to spit on you, hork at you, and do my gleeful victory dance.

So anyway... here's my last attempt. I'M NOT CONTAGIOUS. If I were I would be busy following the New York Yankees in the off-season, hiding near them at cafes so I could lick the rims of their coffee cups.

K? Good? Good.

Rhonda Stapleton Stupid Cupid Contest

Let the count-down begin! Rhonda Stapleton's Stupid Cupid releases on December 22nd, just in time for Christmas! She's kicking off her Stupid Cupid book launch contest! Here's what's up for grabs:




--a copy of Stupid Cupid, signed by the author

--a $30 bookstore gift card to the store of your choice

--a $30 iTunes gift card

--a $30 Starbucks gift card



That's a $100 value!



So, what do you have to do to enter this incredible contest? Simple--write Rhonda a horrible love poem. The more purple-prosed and nauseating, the better. Visit her blog for more details and be sure to spread the word! ALL DETAILS AVAILABLE HERE!

Hunter's Moon

November dawns with a Hunter's Moon in Taurus. Our clocks have just been turned back, and the moon is full. I've always loved this moon... the transitioning between autumn and the first winter weeks. It brings both briskness and the blanket of coming snows... a shock to the system and a warm place to hibernate, letting our dreams lead the way during the dark months.

Taurus moons have always been productive for me. I like the persistence and stubbornness of the bull, the earthy qualities suit even an air-head Gemini like me. The bull grounds me, which is not an easy thing to do.

Fitting, I suppose, that I begin National Novel Writer's Month with this moon, since it really lends itself to organization, gathering resources, tracking plans, and basically getting one's poop in a pile. I've always allowed lunar positions to be my guide at times like this... and probably never would have made a list or organized a desk in my life without that nudge from the celestial lady. I never follow the NaNoWriMo rules strictly, but like to use it as an inspiration and motivator.

So this week I kick off a month of getting it together, putting it where it needs to go, and having all my ducks in a row for the coming season of sleep and dreams.

Join me?